Ask the Institute! Mailbag

It’s been such a long time. Too long, actually. But the mailbag segment is back, and better than ever. How could it be better, you ask? I’ve gotten many people telling me in person how much they enjoy this rare TDI feature. How could people enjoy it even more? Maybe if you have help answering the questions! After some… technical mishaps… Eva Lemmon and myself were able to work together to answer your questions in the most delightfully snarky way possible! Stay tuned after the mailbag Q&A to find out how you can submit questions for a future mailbag segment!

From: Generalissimo Francisco Franco
Message: Am I still dead?
Eva Lemmon: Obviously not. Go google yourself. (Google him!)
TDI: I think you’re mostly dead, but not completely dead. I’m a believer.

Message: Do you realize that you have the most beautiful face? Do you realize we’re floating in space? Do you realize that happiness makes you cry? Do you realize that everyone you know someday will die? And instead of saying all of your goodbyes, let them know you realize that life goes fast, it’s hard to make the good things last.

You realize the sun doesn’t go down, it’s just an illusion caused by the world spinning round. Do you realize? Do you realize that everybody you know someday will die? And instead of saying all of your goodbyes, let them know you realize that life goes fast, it’s hard to make the good things last. You realize the sun doesn’t go down, it’s just an illusion caused by the world spinning round. Do you realize that you have the most beautiful face? Do you realize?
Eva Lemmon: I do realize that you may well be sniffing something iffy, but the surest way to clear that problem up is the rehab center! Thank you, and have a nice day!
TDI: I have the most beautiful face? Why, thank you! But I’m afraid you’re quite wrong about floating in space. Unless we changed the definition of “floating” to mean “being anchored to and pulled down to the earth by gravity, even at vulgar cost”, then yes, we are most certainly floating! I also here that there are some good snacks to be had in rehab. You know. FYI.

From: John W. Sikma (former TDI affiliate)
Message: Whatever happened to the “Chuckler”?
TDI: Poor Eva wanted to answer this, but poor Agnus pulled her away when the Board of Editors was putting this together. My humblest apologies! Years, years ago, I used to send out these e-mails called “The Chuckler” to a few people. They would have the latest Pokemon and Star Wars news in them, PLUS original fiction! Yeah, it was pretty snazzy. As I grew older, The Chuckler kind of faded away. But the spirit still lives on, and I continue to provide news and updates here at TDI.

From: Erika (TDI affiliate)
Message: Chuck, at your request I have decided to write a letter to the Drop Box. Now, when one goes about writing a letter normally one has a point in mind. That is exactly what sets my letter apart from the other letters you may be receiving. Indeed, this letter has no point whatsoever. There are some rules to follow when one writes a letter about nothing.

One major rule is that you must sounds like you are writing about something to disguise the nothinglessness of said letter. One can accomplish this by carrying on with many words that really are quite meaningless. Another rule is that you must never let on that your letter is about nothing. Above all else try to convince the person they are reading something of value.

Please note that I have broken my second rule, but my careful following of the first rule should make up for it. I must go now. Give my regards to whomever you so desire to give them to. With Love, Erika.
Eva Lemmon: Thank you for your note! We appreciate it very much! This note reminds me of a story I once heard about hippos. (long drawn out narrative).
TDI: What a completely and utterly piece of… Unfortunately unmarketable material! Yeah, that’s it. I noticed you capitalized “With”, “Love”, and “Erika”. The capital letters make WLE, which may be a clue for something else, something bigger and grander. Or, maybe I just read too much into things nowadays. My own puzzles leave me on the edge!

Message: Do you smell a rat? – Patrick Henry
Eva Lemmon: Yes I do! But I’m getting paid to answer your question. I think the best way to get rid of the stench would be Arm and Hammer (TM) carpet deoderizer.
TDI: I can’t smell rat, medically speaking. Not that I’m complaining, mind you!

Message: What’s the plural of “nemesis”? – Capitan Amazing
Eva Lemmon: That would be nemeses.
TDI: Nemesi (Neh-Meh-Sigh). Thank you, Capitan Amazing, for that brilliant question!

From: Norma VanWallen
Message: Why did you redesign the site?
Eva Lemmon: Because we believe in progress! Nothing like a different color scheme to make it look good! We also attract more people due to the pretty packaging. (As you know, TDI looks great on a shelf; it just begs you to bring it home with you!)
TDI: Mostly, because I was bored. Secondly, because I wanted to see if I could make it look entirely original. I didn’t just select a new pre-made template. I replaced the pre-rendered graphics with my own, self-made graphics. The look of the site is now uniquely TDI! (and it looks awesome on a shelf!)

From: Jack Ubervink
Message: Will you ever start a blog devoted to your pictures? Or even add another author to TDI? (you know, bring in someone who can WRITE) Regards, Jack.
Eva Lemmon: Oooo! Looks like someone’s been through with the ugly stick! I believe that we are interviewing people. But definitely not whiners. You sound like someone who wall papers their house with plaid and camouflage. And ducks.
TDI: I won’t start a blog devoted to my pictures… But have you checked out our newest blog, The Epsilon Institute? You can expect a lot more original photographs there in the future. And as far as adding additional authors, or even having guest bloggers and guest columnist, well… No comment.

My deepest thanks to Eva Lemmon, TDI Affiliate and writer over at Yes, I Have No Bananas. And thanks to those who sent in questions for this installment of the TDI mailbag. Do you want your question in the next mailbag? Send us your question here! It doesn’t have to be serious (though it could be!). Just type whatever’s on your mind. And remember: There’s nothing that’s too random to be published in a mailbag! I look foward to the next mailbag, and who knows who I’ll get for the next installment?


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