January Movie Preview

Wow… There are alot of movies opening in January! There are alot of movies opening in January that the Institute Director isn’t planning on seeing! But that doesn’t mean that there isn’t a movie for you in here! So shop around for a while, until you see one that you want. Then mark your calender with the date provided at the end of each paragraph, and then boom! You’ve got yourself a reservation to see a movie.

BloodRayne – Set in 18th century Romania, there is a young woman who is half-human, half-vampire. She has superhuman strength, but has a soft side for humans. She decides to find her vampire father (the powerful Kagan), and befriends two vampire hunters along the way. She then learns of three Talisman organs – a heart, eye, and a rib from her ancestor vampire – which Kagen covets, which if he gets, he’ll become so powerful that he’ll throw earth into chaos and vampires will rule forever. Starring Kristanna Loken, Billy Zane, Ben Kingsley, and Michelle Rodriguez. Don’t worry, Rodriguez isn’t driving in this movie! BloodRayne opens on January 6. (official site) (trailer) (SPECIAL CHALLENGE – Watch the trailer and try not to laugh!)

The GatheringAn American backpacker traveling through an English village accepts help from a family after becoming involved in a car accident. Things turn spooky though when the girl begins to hallucinate and believes strangers are following her. Has she been cursed with second sight or is this simply a result of the concussion she received during the car accident? Could this have anything to do with the first-century church that has just been unearthed in the nearby countryside? (TDI guesses “yes“) Starring Christina Ricci, Ioan Gruffudd, Kerry Fox and Stephen Dillane, this film opens January 6, even though it came out overseas in 2002. (French trailer)

Grandma’s BoyJanuary and February are usually the “dumping ground” for less-than-spectacular movies. Remember that. This Adam Sandler-produced film focuses around a 36-year-old video game nut (who naturally is a slacker, since all video-gamers are slackers…?) who has to move in with his grandmother and her roommates, but get this! He tells all his friends that he’s living with “hot babes”! Oh, TDI just can’t stop laughing. Or can’t start. We get confused sometimes. Starring Allen Covert, Peter Dante, Doris Roberts and Shirley Jones. Don’t watch the trailer if you’re easily offended at sexual humor, or just plain-old stupidity. (official site) (trailer)

Hostel Two adventurous American college buddies backpack through Europe. While traveling, they are lured by a fellow traveler to a hostel in an out-of-the-way Slovakian town that’s described as “stocked with Eastern European woman as desperate as they are gorgeous.” They arrive, and immediately hook up with a few beauties. Of course, they’re being distracted by their beauty! They eventually realized that they’ve quickly trapped themselves in a “sinister situation” which is “as wide and as deep as the darkest, sickest recess of human nature itself”. But will they survive? Maybe one will. And since Quentin Tarintino is this film’s executive producer, you can be sure everyone else will die off in very strange, very gory ways. Starring Jay Hernandez, Derek Richardson, Jana Kaderabkova and Barbara Nedeljakova. This film also opens on January 6. (official site) (trailer)

Glory RoadThe “inspiring true story” of the underdog Texas Western basketball team, with history’s first all African-American starting lineup of players, who took the country by storm by winning the 1966 NCAA tournament title. Let me just editorialize… It’s a formula movie. Now, there’s nothing wrong with the formula. It’s effective, and it probably has a few “almost Oscar-worthy” moments. But an “inspiring true story” about a sports team? It’s completely cliché. Could somebody in Hollywood please innovate sports movies? Please? This film stars Josh Lucas, Derek Luke, Austin Nichols and Emily Deschanel, and opens January 13th. (official site) (trailer)

NOTE: Hoodwinked, which we previewed in December, actually seems to be coming out now on January 13. Funny, eh?

Last HolidayAfter being diagnosed with a fatal disease, a shy sales clerk goes on a European vacation to live out the rest of her life. With nothing to lose–or so she thinks–her behavior becomes more irreverent and outrageous each day, as she goes around doing all these outragous thing! Ha! But there’s a special twist in this film, which they didn’t show in the trailer, but you’ll have to see the movie to find out what it is, ’cause TDI ain’t telling. Nuh-uh, sistah! This film stars Queen Latifah, Alicia Witt, LL Cool J (what the…?), Timothy Hutton, and Gerard Depardieu. Last Holiday opens on January 16. (official site) (trailer)

Tristan & IsoldeIn the medieval legend of Tristan and Isolde, young lovers become doomed against the forces of royal politics. English knight Tristan wins the hand of the daughter of the Irish King, but the love threatens the truce between their two countries. Because, you know, love in earlier centuries would do that. Because love was so uncommon, that nations were all like, whaaaa….? Starring James Franco, Sophia Myles, Bronagh Gallagher, and Dexter Fletcher. Opens January 16. (official site) (trailer)

End of the SpearThis movie is the story of Mincavani, a Waodani tribesman from the jungles of Ecuador. When five young missionaries are speared to death by the Waodani in 1956, Mincavani becomes grandfather to the grandchildren of the missionary he killed. A “series of events” unfolds, which changes the families of the missionaries, but also Mincavani and his people. Starring Louie Leonardo, Chad Allen, Christina Souza, and Beth Bailey. Opens January 20 in a limited release. (official site) (trailer)

Underworld: EvolutionSelene, the vampire heroine of the Underworld series, returns as the war between the Death Dealers and the Lycans continues. The film traces the beginnings of the ancient fued, as Selene and her friend Michael try to unlock the secrets of their bloodlines. The tale of “action, intrigue and forbidden love takes them into a battle to end all wars as the immortals must finally face their retribution.” Battle to end all wars? I’ll believe it if I don’t see an Underworld 3. Starring Kate Beckinsale, Scott Speedman, Bill Nighy, and Derek Jacobi. Opens January 20. (official site) (trailer) (SPECIAL CHALLENGE – Watch the trailer without feeling sleepy!)

AnnapolisA young man from the wrong side of the tracks has his dream come true when he is accepted to the Naval Academy. But once there he is not sure he measures up against the best and the brightest. TDI’s guess? He does. And after watching the trailer, guess what? It looks like he does. None the less, the trailer was edited in such a way where the Institute Director thought that this movie looked good. Go figure! This film stars Spider-Man’s James Franco (AGAIN!), Tyrese Gibson, Vicellous “24’s Keith Palmer” Shannon, and Jordana Brewster. Annapolis opens everywhere on January 27. (official site) (trailer)

Big Momma’s House 2Oh heavens… Of all the crimes to commit against society, they commit this? According to the press release, this film is “the continuing adventures of master-of-disguise FBI special agent Malcolm Turner. This time he must go undercover as Big Momma to nail his ex-partner’s murderer. While undercover in the house of the suspected criminal, Malcom grows attached to the suspect’s three children.” Starring Martin Lawrence, Nia Long, Mark Moses, and I don’t really care who else. Opens everywhere on the 27th of January. (official site) (trailer)

Nanny McPheeSomebody save us from unnecessary sequels, please! Why, it’s Nanny McPhee to the rescue! McPhee enters the household of the recently widowed Mr. Brown and attempts to tame his seven “exceedingly ill-behaved” children. In fact, the children have driven away 17 previous nannies! But Nanny McPhee is magical, and thus the children learn the harsh lesson of consequences! But then family members decide to adopt the various children, and the children turn to Nanny McPhee to save them. Starring Emma Thompson in a lot of makeup, Colin Firth in probably as much makeup, Angela Lansbury who we pretend doesn’t need makeup , and Kelly Macdonald, who really can’t have perfect skin without some makeup. Nanny McPhee comes to your rescue January 27. (official site) (trailer)

And those are all the movies “fit to print”. I even included an independant release in this time! How cool is that?*

*Answer: Very.

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