Say That Again?!

Time for some more “Quotables”, a collection of quotes that we’ve found from across the globe. This set of quotes, quips, and odd statements comes from the 2005 edition of “The 365 Stupidest Things Ever Said” day-to-day calendar. All credit should – and is – given to the team that put that calendar together, so we could all laugh a little more.

– “Shin Pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover.” – Warning on a pair of shin guards made for bicycles

– “When I got traded here, it turned my career around 360 degrees.” – Vancouver Canucks defenseman Ed Jovanovski

– “The term ‘forced busing’ is a misnomer [because children] don’t have to ride a bus, but only to arrive on time at their assigned schools.” – Clinton civil rights Justice Department appointee Bill Lann Lee.

– “Beijing Plans Spontaneous Celebration” – Headline in The Times (U.K.)

“Listening to the ovation they gave him on the first tee, I was getting – what do you call them? – chicken pox.” – Golfer Sergio Garcia, talking about Arnold Palmer’s reception at the Masters.

– “And the name of that country really tells you exactly where these guys are from.” – TV commentator covering an Olympics opening ceremony.

– “The Germans have only one player under twenty-two and he’s twenty-three.” – Kevin Keegan, soccer star turned sportscaster.

– “Unnecessary Repetitive Driving Prohibited” – Road sign in Moline, Illinois

– “Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.” – church bulletin

– “Lleyton Hewitt… his two greatest strenghts are his legs, his speed, his agility and his competitiveness.” – Pat Cash, covering the Wimbledon tennis tournament.

– “Our nation must come together to unite.” – President George W. Bush

– “People are here, chatting and laughing – it’s clearly a solemn occasion.” – Newscaster Nicholas Witchell, Radio 5, U.K.

– “I understand that every single tornado warning that went out during that [series of storms] actually produced a tornado.” – Newscaster Lilia Chacon, Fox News, Chicago.

– “Three types of ball are offered. They are one. Two. Three.” – Instructions with Chinese Baoding Excercise Balls

– “The murder of the man and the finding of the body was followed by a series of tragedies, including the suicide of the murdered man.” – from an item in the Idaho Falls Times-Register.

– “Everybody’s got oxen to grind.” – former New Jersey governor Thomas Kean

– “Low Self Esteem Group will meet Thursday at 7 pm. Please use the back door.” – church bulletin

– “I’m not worried about the weekend. I’m worried about Saturday.” – tennis star Pete Sampras.

“Today we’ll have clouds and rain. The perfect combination for precipitation.” – unidentified meteorologist

– “Right now we have 13,000 prisoners sharing a cell designed for one person.” – David Rogan, Prison Governors Association

– “Beware of Safety” – sign in Sozhou, China

“The folks are on the boat Princess Marie, and look at the blue sky gracing the folks floating above the boat.” – CBS-TV weatherman Ira Joe Fisher

– “Determined Pizza Succeeds” – Headline in the Poughkeepsie Journal

– “Must Sell: Plymouth 4-door Sedan, complete with Actress.” – ad in the Philadelphia Inquirer

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2 Responses to “Say That Again?!”

  1. Notliberal Says:

    Let me add one from a weatherman in Lansing. “We’re going to have some really wet rain tomorrow.” The news anchor then chimed in “as opposed to dry rain?”

  2. Anonymous Says:

    In the course of looking for something else (trying to track down an old friend), ran across this.

    How great to see other people liking our collected stupidities on line — and with credit, no less!!

    Kathy Petras
    (as in one of the co-compilers of the 365 Stupidest Things Ever Said}

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